It’s hard to know what to say about Date #10, Sean. Why’s that? Well, because we’ve still never met.
Confused? I’ll clear it up for you . . .
HE STOOD ME UP!
This is normally the part of the post where I put a picture of him or the two of us. Since we never met, I’m just going to post a picture of what I imagined he looked like. I was positive he would resemble one of these fellas:
Now that I’ve been stood up by him, I think he probably looks more like this:
The truth is I wasn’t totally surprised when Sean bailed on me since he’d been pretty flaky from the beginning. Sean’s sister is a friend of my tech genius friend, Sarah. The sister was one of the first people to contact me to say her brother was on board for a date. But after I didn’t get a response to my email or voicemail, I started to feel like I was stalking him. I contacted his sister again to ask if he had changed his mind. She reassured me that he was still on board.
After finally exchanging a few texts, we set up a date.
That was the last I ever heard from Sean.
The day of our date we still didn’t have a game plan, so I sent him a text.
A couple of hours later, I left him a voicemail.
Still no response.
That night I sent this text:
Aaaaannnd, he never responded.
I actually don’t care that he changed his mind about the date. I get that going on a date that gets blogged about isn’t for everyone, and I would have understood if he wasn’t up for it. But the fact that he just went silent is not cool at all.
But as soon as I started thinking he was a jerk, I realized that maybe something happened to him that made it so he couldn’t respond. These are the top three theories I came up with:
- He was pushed off the Frontrunner platform and landed on the tracks. There was a train approaching (an express, of course) and a UTA worker jumped onto the tracks, rolled him to safety, and saved his life. Unfortunately, the accident left him in a coma. Due to a misunderstanding, Sean’s family thought he and the UTA worker were engaged. The family invited the UTA worker over for Christmas, and she ended up falling in love with Sean’s brother. In this case, when Sean wakes up from his coma, the truth will be revealed (most likely at their wedding), and Sean and I will have another chance at love. Oh, and the UTA worker will finally get a stamp in her passport.
- A crisis at the North Pole meant that Christmas was in jeopardy. Santa sent his elves to Utah in search of the Christmas spirit. That’s where they met Sean, a workaholic who no longer believed in the magic of Christmas. The elves set a plan in motion knowing that if they could make him believe, Christmas would be saved. Unfortunately, the elves were unaware of Sean’s plans with me, and instead scheduled him to wrap presents and deliver them to orphans. The good news: the plan worked and Christmas was saved. The bad news: I got stood up, which shook my faith in the magic of dating. I suppose it’s time for the elves to set another plan in motion.
- Sean’s nephew was starving, so he stole a loaf of bread and ended up getting sentenced to five years of hard labor in prison. That five years turned into nineteen years. When he was finally released, he stole some silver from a priest, who forgave him and made him promise to become an honest man. Sean was changed from that moment, but had to hide his identity. He started a factory and became the mayor, but because he had broken parole and was a fugitive of the law, he was unable to contact me and cancel our date.
Uh, it’s possible I watched too many movies over the last couple of weeks.
So what did I do instead of going on the date?
I treated myself to some Chick-fil-A nuggets and a new workout jacket from Old Navy, then sat in front of my fireplace and got some work done. Best of all, I didn’t have far to go at the end of the night, and there was no awkward doorstep scene.
As for you Sean, I hope you come out of your coma and continue to have the Christmas spirit. Oh, and good luck with that factory.